Just as much as he needs you"
That was my favorite quote from the last General Conference. Patience is a virtue. And mine is running seriously thin. How is it possible that this child can make my heart love so much it hurts, but also make me want to scream and pull out all my hair? Have I mentioned that when we were in Austria we woke up one morning and he was not in our room? We walked out to the kitchen and he wasn't there and the door to the outside was open. My heart almost stopped right there. I was in my underwear and ran outside to find him jumping on the tramp in the yard of the B&B we were staying. I thought I was going to drop dead. I just went straight back to my bed and laid there with tears in my eyes while I tried prevent a heart attack. I couldn't even talk. And we had even anticipated him escaping being a problem so we had blocked the door with furniture (obviously not enough of an obstacle).
Every day I pray for more patience than I had the day before. Yesterday and today he peed on the floor of our flat to be funny. He is so fun loving and everything is a game to him. Which make for really fun days until it's bed time, discipline time any kind of serious time. I think it's safe to say he has no regard for authority...I envision a future with lots of visits to the principal's office.
But this child is SO loved. Of course by me and his family. But he has a way of endearing himself to people and sneaking deep into their hearts. He introduces everyone as his new friend and he remember's people's names better than I do.
I need him. I probably need him more than he will ever need me. But sometimes I don't think I'll have enough patience to survive the day. I may have shed a tear or two today when he told me with a smile that he had something to show me and it was that he'd peed in our living room (again). And the rest of the night he kept rubbing my back asking if I was still sad. He always redeems himself, like the other night he told me, "You're the best mom I never had". And tonight during his prayer he thanked Heavenly Father for "Mom letting me cut with scissors carefully in 20 minutes".
I was talking to my mom about him and she pointed out that he is probably struggling with the move, living with no furniture (still), being away from family. It was like a lightbulb went off. He seems so adaptable and is such a happy kid that maybe I haven't given him enough of a break for all the change he's dealt with.
So I will go snuggle this mischevious child of mine. And love him. And need him.
15 comments:
I LOVE that quote! I am going to write that one down... or tattoo it on my arm so I never forget it. I am sorry that you are feeling short with Otis right now, I am feeling the same with Jackson. Jackson is into EVERYTHING right now and the second I clean up one mess he's made another! One thing I always think that helps me is that this time is so short that we have them here with us- they grow up so fast. I am sure that Otis is probably just adjusting to the move if he is acting so abnormal. I get frustrated when Jackson does abnormal things, but then I also think, "Um, my kid has been sleeping through the night since 8 weeks old- I am pretty freaking lucky!" So, we give and take on certain things and hope that we can stay positive. Keep your head up and keep praying- that always seams to help! ;)
That is a heartfelt post. I feel like the talk you quoted is one so many of us need to hear, again and again. Another talk that has helped me is "Because She Is a Mother" by Elder Holland and also "Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence." Dealing with obstacles (aka children!) as a young mom is the hardest thing I've experienced; it is also the most rewarding thing I've experienced. I KNOW you are doing incredibly well, even when it's tough! Hang in there, Em.
em i am dying. i am laughing and crying at the same time - that, i believe, is the best emotion. you are amazing. i think we all need that little otis. love you guys.
Love the picture and sympathize with the story. Although Brooke doesn't pee anywhere yet, she is still a little stinker most days. Yesterday I had absolutely no patience and then I felt bad last night. Sme days are definitely harder than others. She also still wakes up at night and it gets old. Hang in there. I have heard three is worse though. I sure hope not!
Otis is just as lucky to have you....xoxo
It takes a village...a primary teacher,deacons quorum advisor,scoutmaster,grandmothers, neighbors and most of all a grandpa who loves him more than the girl who threw the tv remote against the wall for third time...this too will pass.
I need that boy. Can't believe he's almost 3. I guess I have to go to London to see him. You are a wonderful example of love and patience. Does this stage pass? Just wait till the teenage years.
xoxox
Grandma
Oh you do and so does he!!
I have tears in my eyes. Which is weird, since I'm at work. I love you and miss you, and wish I could be there to plan Otis' HUGE bday partay!
I love it! My boys are wondering why I am sitting here crying :) You are such an amazing mom, your kids are so so lucky!
I can relate to pee everywhere which for some reason is so funny for little boys. I know I am going to need more patience then ever once we move away well and really lets be honest every day ;)
Oh and the boys keep asking to visit otie so they can show him the barnyard movie. We miss you guys!
oh Emily. If you only knew how many times I have listened, watched, read, re-read, re-listened, re-watched that talk...I've totally been there. Honestly, I'm still there a lot of the time, but somehow things get better. Not that you're looking for advice, but here's some for the taking if you'd like it. Read this book. 'beyond time out'. Best parenting book I've read. (I've only read a few) Seriously though. Since reading that, and doing my best to apply it, my patience and happiness as a mom has grown tremendously.
The best part about it, is it gives exactly what to do and say. That helps me keep so much more control of my emotions because I already know exactly what I'm going to do. I have a plan. I'm not just waiting and waiting and waiting trying my best to be patient until I can't take it any more and freak out. It's been an answer to prayer for me.
You are amazing. I've been thinking about you living so far away. We've considered doing the air force or possibly living in Alaska doing the Indian Health thing...but then part of me gets afraid to live so far from family. Then I think of you and all your adventures and how much fun you are having with your own family.
Anyway, you are an inspiration to me.
Jenn
p.s. sorry for the really long comment =)
It's when I get that feeling that I say a prayer and say Heavenly Father you know him so much better than I do - Help me know what to do and say to get through to this beautiful child you entrusted to my care! Kind of my way of saying time out - you're turn. What do I do now??
oh my gosh Emily....I was laughing out loud when I read that!!! I feel like I know Otis because of the way that you describe him on your blog. Wow, you have your hands full...that said, can I have him??? I can fully imagine that your patience is tested daily with him but how awesome to have such a FREE SPIRIT...I seriously want a kid like him....uh oh. Did I just say that out loud??? (or type it?? Same thing??? =) I'm in trouble! You get what you ask for!=) Really though, what a precious little boy! And thanks for sharing him with the rest of us on your blog! =)
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